In keeping with the theme of yesterday, today I am thankful for this: Learning who my real friends aren’t through losing my two best friends. Or, being free of friends who weren’t real friends.
I am certain at least a few of you…okay, all of you, are wondering what on earth I could mean, how I could be thankful for that, and what it has to do with yesterday’s post. Buckle up for some stuff that might be summed up as drama.
Some of you might remember that I was pickpocketed in Paris in January, when I was there with my daughter who had just turned 10, and my cash, debit cards, and ID were in my phone case. I should have been able to vent a bit to my two best friends, right? I merely mentioned to my best friends that I was pickpocketed, and they decided to tear into me for not being grateful to be in Paris. I didn’t say anything about that. I was worried about making sure my daughter had what she needed until USAA was able to get a new card to me and I could get to a money wiring place to get cash. I literally had none. They both blocked me on Facebook, phone, etc., and my first feeling was…
That hit me hard, realizing that I was relieved that my two best friends of eight years had blocked me, and then I figured out why I was relieved. Over those years, I’d done everything I could for them, whether that meant derailing a long-planned family trip to go two states away when one was in a car crash or providing a home for the other when she needed it. But I couldn’t vent to them about anything. They would always be “too busy” or “out of spoons” for me despite leaning on me for everything. The only emotions I was allowed to have around them was happiness with the temporary exception of when one of my cats died. But I was even chided for being so upset when one of my dogs, who was literally there when my daughter was born (home birth) died. Yeah, I wasn’t even allowed to feel anything but happy even then. I didn’t see the imbalance until I felt an unexpected sense of lightness. Worse, one of them managed to get me ostracized from my local social group by claiming I was an adulteress. Someone contacted me about it, which is how I found out. Even still, lightness. Relief.
It might also be worth noting that these two “friends” spent three years trying to convince my husband I was cheating on him. I found out after two years, forgave them, and didn’t know they continued until January of this year. I do know the reasons they had, and they’re not flattering to them. Their reasons, stemming from jealousy of the trajectory of my life when they were at a better place than I was when we met, are ultimately irrelevant. They caused real damage to my family in that time.
In “losing” them, something I can now put quotes around, I gained freedom. I could breathe. When you can ever say that about someone no longer being in your life, they probably shouldn’t have been there to begin with.
And this will be relevant to tomorrow’s post. Thankfulness for severance from toxic non-friends is indeed something to be thankful for on its own, but it led to something else that…I literally can’t even think go how to describe it. I’ll try in tomorrow’s post.